Moments
These past couple weeks have been odd times, combining busyness at work, trying to catch up on reading for classes and illness. Mixed in there was time with friends, hosting a Super Bowl party and a great evening of food, conversation and basketball spent with my cousin, Bradd.
Overall, though, it’s easy to summarize these past couple weeks as chaotic. Symbolized by the fact that I skipped posting last week, at some level I’ve just been keeping my head above water. Basic survival at its finest!
I don’t offer this as an excuse or to earn your pity. First, it’s my blog — so I don’t need a great excuse for skipping a week! 🙂 And, instead of pity, I hope you’ll join me in finding the special moments within your life that is undoubtedly busy as well.
Let’s explore this a bit further. A couple weeks ago I wrote about finding beauty in the struggle and this post will follow closely in it’s footsteps, because these “moments” that I speak of are the places in my life where I’ve recently found great joy (and even a bit of rest) in the midst of the chaos.
I won’t get into the ugly details, but suffice it to say that these past couple weeks have had me jumping from one urgent task to the next. Nothing like attending to whatever is on fire at the moment! (But, this type of approach to life led me to spend the last several nights sleeping in the guest bed simply because I didn’t want to take the time to put sheets on the master bed. I hope you can see the humor in this as I do; especially, as today I recognized all this led to was having to change the sheets on TWO beds!).
In all of this, though, there have been special moments where I’ve escaped from the hamster wheel to appreciate this life I’m living. Here are a few examples from this past weekend:
– This afternoon I ran two errands, both in preparation for my upcoming client meetings this week. Instead of rushing through them, though, I was surprised by the sun and I enjoyed my time driving and cleaning out my car in the spring-like Seattle weather.
– Tonight I took a study break to make a quick meal. In granting myself a break without the imminent pressure to get back to reading, I made a great salad and leisurely enjoyed a glass of wine with my meal.
– Throughout the weekend I took time to connect with friends and family, even if just through phone calls and texts. A call from my 3-year old niece was easily the most surprising and enjoyable connection of the weekend!
– I’ve always been a multi-tasker, so I’ve had the Olympics on the TV over the past couple of days as I’ve studied, worked and done chores around the house. The stories and events have been a nice means of escape, even if only for a few seconds at a time.
These are the moments that I speak of. The special times where I pause to appreciate the details within the mundane and necessary tasks that fill my day. This is my life’s struggle — to find happiness in the day-to-day tasks. And, this weekend I did well!
I hope you, too, can pause and appreciate those times and places where you can smell the precious scent of life and taste the sweetness of being human,.
Exciting and Terrifying, all at the same time
“Do one thing every day that scares you.” That quote, from Eleanor Roosevelt, is a perfect introduction to this post. I want to tell you about something I’m embarking upon that is both very exciting and terrifying!
For those of you that are Facebook friends, you saw a status update from me this past week that stated —
“Sabbatical form submitted at work, travel dates set (April 14-May 5), consultation with Paul @ Rick Steves. Italy and France, here I come!”
The part that I left out in that status update was this —
“And, he is scared sh*tless about how he is going to pull off this trip that he’s been looking forward to for a couple of years.”
You see, if you came to my office tomorrow, handed me a bag full of belongings and told me that I’d be traveling around the United States for three weeks straight, I’d be sure my dressing device was included and I’d be on my merry way. I like to travel and I would find enjoyment in the adventure that was about to take place. But, that is largely due to the fact that I can find a handicap-accessible bathroom where I can use the aforementioned dressing device at every hotel and public facility in this country.
Traveling to Italy and France is an entirely different story, though. And that’s where the panic enters. I won’t get into the details here, but suffice it to say that a flight anywhere north of five hours long is a challenge for me because I have yet to figure out how to use an airplane restroom on my own. That is just the first step, though, as Italy and France are not exceptionally accommodating for travelers with disabilities I’m told.
My plan up until this point has been to travel with a friend of mine. However, a recent job change and the fact that he is now a client of mine (again) puts this plan at risk. Although we have yet to conclude that this won’t work, it certainly presents new challenges. So, that could put me back at square one.
You might suggest a three-week trip around these great United States, instead. I’ve thought about it and — like so many other things I’ve dealt with in my life — I refuse to settle for the easier path. Ever since traveling to Egypt and Ethiopia with a client of mine in 2005, I’ve had my passion for travel ignited. Mostly, I’ve clamored for a trip to Europe.
As I’ve mentioned here before, though, my passion for travel and the ease in which I accomplish that task do not match. This causes quite a rub!
But, like most obstacles in my life, I refuse to give in and I’ll figure out a way to accomplish this trip of a lifetime. Because, although figuring all this out is a terrifying prospect, the excitement of achieving this dream of a long trip to Italy and France is even stronger. It’s not so much than I’m that independent; I’m just that stubborn!
(Oh, by the way, I am now accepting applications to be my travel buddy to Europe this spring!)
Community
First, it will fun to see how many hits I get this week with this blog post title. I suspect there will be a few folks stumbling upon my blog looking for information about the new NBC sitcom Community. If that’s you, sorry to disappoint. I plan to talk about actual relationships here — not sitting in front of a TV and acting like it’s a relationship!
I’m in a season where I’ve been blessed with a large community of folks to connect with and to share stories with. Part of that has to do with the fact that I’m not taking any grad school classes right now and that has opened up free time to pursue relationships. And, part has to do with unique opportunities that have presented themselves within the past few months. Either way, it’s been a great way to spend this fall — with a wide variety of folks that continue to offer themselves and their stories.
Amongst my valued time with friends and family (which has increased as of late as well), I’ve recently joined two groups:
1. The Hearth: a small group of folks from various spiritual backgrounds. Although we are reading The Reason for God (by Timothy Keller) together, it’s more of a discussion group rather than a book club. We gather at my house every other week and I’m amazed at the level of honestly and relationship I’ve discovered through this group so far.
2. Core Audience at Intiman Theatre: again, a diverse group of people (this one larger, at 30-40 people) that watches a play then discusses it afterward. Yesterday was the first group discussion of the year as we attended a production about Abe Lincoln that inspired great thoughts about what it means to be a leader and a hero.
The sense of community for me has less to do with joining a group, though, and much more about opening myself up to others. This is something that I believe very few of us do well, if at all.
Throughout the fall the phrase that keeps coming to mind in regards to relationship is “to have others hold up a mirror for us to see ourselves.” As someone who spends a lot of time alone thinking, I’m learning that narcissism pales in comparison to what is offered in a true community. To share your life and passions with others and to have them reflect that back to you is amazing.
Recently I met a friend of mine, Pete, for lunch and he offered to me within our time together that he could see my newly-discovered love for writing and telling my story. And, in reflecting that back to me, he was asking what plans I’d put in place to make that happen. He could see the desire and now he wanted to know what steps I was taking to fan that flame. That’s what I mean about a mirror reflecting. It challenged me to recognize that truth about myself and to begin to consider how I truly risk in pursuance of that desire.
Too often we think of dreams and goals as something that we set our minds to and pursue alone. That’s part of the nature of who we are as humans and it makes for a great story. Instead, I’m realizing that much of our dreams and goals are realized through community. People that encourage us to take a risk, folks that offer encouragement and those that offer us a chance to rest, laugh and enjoy life. Thank you to those friends that have done those things for me — and I can only hope that I’m providing a fraction of the same for you all.
A Weekend of Lessons
This past Friday I made my way from the wet side of the state, over the mountains and to dry and windy Kennewick. Tomorrow marks my grandfather’s 80th birthday, while my dad’s 60th is today. Happy birthday to two great men!
Grandpa, Dad and my nephew Braden
It’s been great to be back here for a family reunion of sorts and to enjoy family from up and down the West coast. This past Saturday we gathered to honor my grandfather’s 80th birthday with a surprise party. He was totally shocked, as the setup had been that he was attending a surprise party for my dad! We had fun, told stories and laughed together – it was a day of hallelujahs.
But, more importantly, I was impacted by several things this weekend and here are the main lessons I’ve learned over these past few days:
– 80 years is a long time, but longevity is not the measurement of a man. My grandfather was an adventurer, a successful business man and a man who has built a beautiful home and maintains a meticulous yard and garden. But, those things do not define Bob Perry. It was clear that it is the bonds of family and friends that mark this selfless man’s story. So many people told of his efforts to help them in times of need – mowing lawns, roofing houses, helping with car repairs.
For me, it was his endless hours spent with me after leg-lengthening surgeries through tumultuous teenage years. Not only was he there, he cleaned pins in my legs, made me do physical therapy exercises and took trips to doctor appointments in Seattle with my mom and I. To be aware of needs around you and selfless enough to help is the true measure of life.
– All of us need to be surprised once in a while. Not too many of us thought we’d pull it of, but my grandfather showed up expecting a party for my dad’s 60th. He had no idea we’d pulled the old switcheroo on him. The look on his face as he came through the door was priceless!
I tend to anticipate everything as to not be caught off guard and it runs in the family. As my mom and I arrived ahead of the party she said, “I sure hope he shows a little excitement or emotion when he arrives.” But, then she added, “I don’t show that often, so we’ll see if he does.” The moments of surprise and spontaneity are the most memorable to me and this was a great reminder of my need to be surprised and caught off guard.
– The bonds of family can make you laugh harder than you have in months. The grandkids on this side of the family all got together for drinks later in the evening and the stories and jokes that were told were priceless. Even though we may not all be together that often, the laughter flowed and we had a tremendous time!
– ALWAYS show up for an important family gathering. If you don’t, you may end up being the center of attention for the wrong reasons. Looking good, Uncle Ron!
– I took a couple days of work in order to extend my time with family. My brother, sister-in-law and their kids are also staying at my parents’ house this weekend and the kids’ moments of love, disappointment, joy and play are amazing things to witness. My niece and nephew continue to show me what it truly means to be alive – something many of us adults forgot how to do years ago. I hope to take a little of their passion back to Seattle with me today!
– Getting work done with so many family members is difficult, even more so without internet access. That’s the reason for this delayed post. And, it will be the reason that I return to work tomorrow having not completed a single task over the long weekend. But, as I learned from Grandpa this week, people won’t remember me for completing the org chart. Instead, hopefully it will be a weekend remembered for connection and relationship.
– Leaving doesn’t gets easier with time. Saying good-bye to family members today was as hard as ever, especially when my darling niece and nephew are involved. It was a bit hard seeing through the tears for the first mile or two.
– The sunsets is eastern Washington are breath-taking.
I commit
The weather has dramatically changed in Seattle these past few days, with clouds, rain, wind and thunderstorms rolling through the area. I’m sad to see the sun and warmer weather go, but I’m excited for a new season. It’s football season! A season of limited daylight and turbulent weather. A slower season for me personally, without a grad school class until Spring quarter. A time for me to read, take a cooking class, commune with friends and to wrestle with God.
This past month and a half has been a busy and stressful time for me. And, you’ve likely noticed that my posts have been sparse. There are certainly seasons in life and this is one that I’m glad to be done with.
This changing season opens up new opportunities and challenges for me. Here are a couple I want you to know about so that we can continue on this journey together:
1. I commit to write at least one blog post per week. Hopefully it will be more frequent than that, but there will be one per week at a minimum. This is a challenge that my friend and colleague, Jeff Brooks, gave me a several days ago as we discussed the discipline of writing and story-telling — and I think it’s a wise step for me to take.
I’m really enjoying writing this blog and admittedly, through conversations with you all, I’m starting to have dreams and thoughts about how my story might have a bigger impact on others. Whether a vocation or not, I’m seeing how God works through my words as I share my story. Writing more and telling my story is an intimidating prospect for sure; but creating one post per week is a way for me to “steer my elephant” by taking small, actionable steps every week. At the end of one year I’ll have written 52 posts — surely enough words and thoughts to use as a skeleton to a memoir or some form of a book.
2. Additionally, I commit to God to wrestle with Him more. If there is one thing that is exceptionally clear to me these past few months it is that I’ve failed to fully engage in the emotions and frustrations that apprehend me daily as a man born without arms. Wes Stafford, the President & CEO of Compassion International, spoke at the Willow Creek Leadership Conference last month and his topic was leading through the pain of your past. He told a very disturbing and moving story of his childhood as a missionary kid in Africa and how that exceptional pain has compelled him to commit his life to helping children. “No one cares what you know until they know why you care,” he said. Well, the reason I care about the issues of disability (that I’ve begun to explore here) is that God created me with a body that makes my life difficult at times. And, in that alone, there are many questions.
Guaranteed, some of that wrestling with God will spill out into this blog. There are areas of my life that are very sensitive and those will remain between Him and I for now. But, I want this space to serve as a realistic and honest place. I could easily create an entire blog that radiated with hope and that literally glowed with optimism. People love that stuff and, honestly, it’s a simple message that the church eats up! But, that’s not my life — and I doubt it’s your reality, either. Because of that, I must wrestle with God as Jacob did. Welcome to ringside!
Finally, Sunday evening will be my deadline for the weekly post. So check back every Monday and expect to see something new. I hope you’ll continue to interact with what I explore here, as that’s the part I enjoy the most. And, feel free to wrestle through life’s issues and struggles with me.
The season is changing to Fall — and that’s where simple beliefs die and blow away in preparation for a future season of growth and possibility. Let the rains come and the winds blow.
Uncomfortably Comfortable
This has been a rough week for me, both personally and professionally. This week has been full of questions, waiting and feelings of inadequacy. None of us enjoys these feelings and they’ve hit me especially hard these past several days. Matter of fact, it’s probably why I’m sitting here with an empty Ben & Jerry’s container beside me and a glass of wine (not close to empty… yet)!
It was just last weekend when I was telling close friends and family that I was “uncomfortably comfortable” — not feeling good about how comfortable and settled my life felt. I certainly understand that there are times when being comfortable is both good and necessary, especially for me as a man without arms. The problem is that I spend most of my life in the area of routine and comfort, where there is little risk or adventure and I’m constantly on guard against surprises. Within the past couple of weeks I’d begun to realize that I was way too comfortable in most areas of my life — work, home, friends, financially, etc. Comfortable to the point that it started to bother me. Isn’t there more to life? Shouldn’t I be living a life that is fully alive and passionate? These questions have plagued me over the past few weeks.
Well, I should have been careful what I asked for! Within the past week several things have happened that have shaken me and have left me feeling more vulnerable and unsure of myself than I have in quite a while. This could end up being just what I needed — a kick in ass to get going in a different direction. But, it’s a really horrible feeling. No sugar-coating it; I may look back on this week as the time when things changed for the best, but right now it feels shitty. Some of the things happening are due to my actions, while others were unseen and completely out of my control. Either way, they’ve got me down.
The sad thing is that it usually takes weeks like this in order to get me to make changes. Even though I voted for Obama, I really dislike change! Part of that could be due to genetics (my parents have lived in eastern Washington their entire lives) and my personality, but it was a few years ago that a friend of mine inquired how my disability may play a role in my reluctance to make changes. His mother is missing an arm and we were discussing how she sometimes resists change and tries to organize things around her in a manner that would limit surprises, risks and new situations. He, then, asked me if that was an issue for me. I’d never really thought of it that way, but over the subsequent years I’m realizing more and more that my decisions not to risk or to move is impacted heavily by my disability. I’m a man of routine and comfort.
When it comes to grocery shopping, I tend to shop at either Trader Joe’s on Queen Anne or at Central Market in Shoreline. I know the layout of these stores and the employees at these locations know me, greet me and give me assistance when I’m there. (Matter of fact, I was at Trader Joe’s today and had to ask the check-out person to help me get my wallet out of my back jeans pocket because I’d failed to remember that I had a friend place it there ahead of an earlier walk.) I get gas at the same station whenever possible because I can reach the slot for the credit card with my left foot and do not require assistance. Whenever possible, I limit my interactions with people I’ve never met due to the awkward situation that arises when people try to shake my hand. These are just some of the day-to-day choices that I make in order to stay safe and avoid surprises.
At a macro level, I’ve worked at the same company since I graduated from college and I’m coming up on my ten-year anniversary there. I’ve lived in Seattle the past twelve years and I flinch at the thought of having to move anywhere else. I keep a small group of friends close to me, sometimes to the exclusion of opening up to a larger social network and new friendships. And, I’ve lived alone the majority of these past eight years and I’m very accustomed to things happening on my schedule and my terms. Again, some of things may be fine and helpful. But, some are not.
Because my physical abilities are somewhat limited, I spend much time anticipating and planning ahead for day-to-day tasks and interactions. If I’m going somewhere for more than a few hours then I need to plan for how I’ll use the restroom, likely requiring me to bring the clamp I posted about previously. Unlike earlier today, I tend to know exactly where my wallet is and what cash and cards I have in it. And, whether necessary or not, I recognize that I spend a good portion of conversations figuring out how I’m going to respond Instead of fully listening. When you feel as though you’re working from a deficit physically, you become very strategic and you make sure you’ve got your bases covered. Believe me, it’s fairly humiliating to be in the check-out line asking someone you don’t know well to reach into your jeans pocket to help get your credit card out because you suddenly realize that you’ve pulled a smaller section out of your larger wallet. And that section in your pocket has your means of payment. (I’m sure it was awkward for him, as well).
Anticipating and playing defense creates a challenge with being present and alive, though. This is a balance that I will struggle with throughout my life. In order to survive I will always have a proactive mindset; I just have to be vulnerable enough to let others help when needed and be willing to take risks and be surprised at times.
My challenge is to recognize when I’m not taking risks and living life to the fullest and, then, to change my routines in order to get me out of my shell. In some ways I’ve made great strides at that over the past couple of years and I’m very happy about those changes. Now I just need to keep pressing in hopes that I’ll be surprised and unsettled in the future. Discomfort is where I grow the most. Is that the same for you? I’d certainly welcome others’ stories. The Bible seems to show that through stories like Noah, Moses, etc. and I wouldn’t be surprised if God still works in the same way.
The hard part of rough weeks and changes is that we all need fellow pilgrims on the journey for support and conversation, and I’d love to hear the changes that each of you is seeing in your life. I truly want to this to be a place of interaction and conversation.
Finally, next time you chat with me ask me what I’m doing to take risks and to live life to the fullest. And if I say that I’m comfortable, that’s probably not a good thing!
Passionate about Fighting Poverty
This week was a milestone in what felt like a marathon (yet, run at a sprint’s pace) in the process of trying to renew my main client at work, CARE. CARE fights poverty in developing countries by empowering women and their families. UN studies show that by helping a woman you will be something like five times more successful at helping a community than if you gave that assistance to a man (we’re selfish bastards!). So, CARE does the efficient thing by focusing their efforts to reach women in their work to feed the hungry, shelter the homeless and to rescue lives after disasters.
Amongst the day-to-day work, e-mails and the routine of writing analysis and strategies, it can get hard to remember why I do the things I do. But, yesterday I was reminded of this during our final presentation to the CARE team in Atlanta. See, a unique thing happens when you boil down what you do for a job and you are taken back to the core purpose of what you’ve been called to do. For me, that’s to help non-profit charities raise funds for their worthy efforts. I believe that each of us is called to help the least of these amongst us, and I think CARE does the work of the Gospel (even though they do their work under a non-religious mission). And, I’m humbled by the fact that I get to play a part in that.
During a recent conversation someone said, “Well, let’s talk about what makes you tick at work.” Naively, I quickly responded, “Passion?” After a hearty laugh, the person replied, “Ha! That was a good one. Let’s talk about what you get paid.” I tried to laugh off my heart-felt response as I considered how rare my excitement for the work I did was.
I simply get fired up about the work that I and the great team I’m surrounded by do. And, I wanted to share the video below with you. Mainly, this is what awoken the passion within me earlier this week. As it played at the conclusion of our four hour-long presentation, I considered what it would be like to not be allowed to play a role in the great work CARE does. I stared into the eyes of the people in the video and my heart sank at the fact that next week CARE could decide to move their business to another agency. In that moment, tears welled up in my eyes. It was just too much for me. I have been part of the great work that CARE does for the past eight years (that’s a lifetime in agency-land) and I am deeply committed to it. My reaction had nothing to do with business outcomes of whether CARE decides to renew with Merkle or not. Instead, it had everything to do with emotions. I hope you’re as touched as I was by this video —
Vodpod videos no longer available.
If you were, may I ask you to click on this link to give a gift to CARE — www.care.org/donate. This is a very worthy cause and your gift is tax-deductible.
Whatever the outcome of CARE’s decision next Friday, the flame in my heart still burns. I firmly believe that Merkle offers them the best option for meeting their growth goals, but it’s the passion that drives me the most. Maybe I’m weird that way, but when I can stop and reflect on my work with non-profits like CARE I can’t think of a better place to be!
Sighs & Hallelujahs 