One Fortunate Cookie
Earlier this week one of the halogen light bulbs in my dining room chandelier exploded, spraying glass fragments throughout the area and toward my living room. It was actually a very frightening, loud explosion with smoke billowing from the light and glass flying in every direction. That night I swept up the affected area and I’ve kept the light off since due to the exposed wires.
So this weekend I made a call to a friend to seek help. I hate having to flat-out ask for help! But since the exposed bulb wiring was a hazard if the light was switched on and I couldn’t reach it, I had to seek assistance. My friends immediately agreed to come over today.
We planned to have lunch together while they were over here as well, since we had been trying to plan time to meet up these past few weeks anyway. What ensued from their willingness to come over to help was a delightful meal and good conversation — something I didn’t have in mind when I humbly sought out their assistance. It’s these surprising times in life that catch me off guard that turn out to be the finest moments of my days.
When Vince and Julie arrived, Vince went to work on the light and Julie and I began working on the meal. Julie chopped up a variety of fresh vegetables for a stir-fry while I cooked the rice, lit the barbecue and baked eggs rolls in the oven. Add in some barbecued elk meat and fortune cookies and we had a filling, tasty meal!
At one point in the process of preparing the meal, Vince was vacuuming the carpet near where the light had exploded (something I’d not taken time to do yet) and Julie was cooking the stir-fry. I stood back in amazement, taking a minute to recognize and to be thankful for the great friendships that I am blessed with. When was the last time you had guests over that ended up cleaning and cooking for you? (Yes — it was just last weekend during my parents’ visit for me, but I digress…)
When I made that call to get help yesterday I felt like I was imposing on my friends in asking them to come up for an hour or two to help me out. Instead, after thoroughly enjoying our time together and telling each other as much, as these dear friends left this afternoon I couldn’t help but realize what a blessing we’d been for each other.
Although one of the fortunes in the cookies I ate stated that tomorrow was going to be a good day for me, I couldn’t help but pause and think what a great day today had been. My, oh my, I am one fortunate cookie!
Published
During a week where we pause to remember all that we are thankful for, I’m excited to share an exciting development in my life.
I’ve been published!
Okay, so it’s just a grad school essay on leadership, but it’s a great first step. For any of you who are aspiring writers or who have one in your life, you know that being published is an accomplishment. I imagine that it’s much like an artist selling her first painting or a baseball player getting his first hit in the majors. So, as much as I want to downplay this accomplishment, I’m choosing to celebrate it with you!
Here is the description from the back cover of the book —
How do I prepare tomorrow’s leaders for the challenges of leadership? Everywhere you turn, the “leadership” question is being asked with ever-greater manic energy: Where will they come from? How do we reach this generation? I’m out of ideas on how to develop them any faster…what should I do? Here’s an approach you might consider… Listen to them. Leadership Stories from Tomorrow offers you a rare, one-of-a-kind glimpse into the minds and hearts of emerging leaders that have long eluded you. Their ideas, frustrations, beliefs, desires, resentments, and aspirations fills the pages of this book, and you’re given the raw, unfiltered perspectives of tomorrow’s leaders. In this foray into the inner sanctums of where emerging leaders reside, you will have a direct encounter with the provocative, edgy, and beautiful leadership postures of the generation of leaders waiting in the wings to take their place in the world. They will tell you most of what you need to know in order to gain their trust, train their minds, mentor their experience, challenge their assumptions, shape their viewpoints, and honor their hopes and anxieties, their theologies and desires. Once you read this book, your views on leadership will never be the same. And you will realize that the question “Are they ready?” isn’t nearly as vital as the more fundamental question… Are you ready?
It can be found at Amazon and other booksellers.
My portion covers five pages (pages 124-130), in a chapter called Stories of Truth-Telling: From Deception to Honesty.
As you know, this past Spring I decided to begin writing more frequently and posting some thoughts here on my blog. Although I hope and trust you’ve enjoyed some of my musings, the main thing I’m thankful for is how life-giving of a process this has been for me. I look forward to what the future holds and hoping that some day writing and speaking will become a career.
Thank you for continuing to join me on this journey!
Community
First, it will fun to see how many hits I get this week with this blog post title. I suspect there will be a few folks stumbling upon my blog looking for information about the new NBC sitcom Community. If that’s you, sorry to disappoint. I plan to talk about actual relationships here — not sitting in front of a TV and acting like it’s a relationship!
I’m in a season where I’ve been blessed with a large community of folks to connect with and to share stories with. Part of that has to do with the fact that I’m not taking any grad school classes right now and that has opened up free time to pursue relationships. And, part has to do with unique opportunities that have presented themselves within the past few months. Either way, it’s been a great way to spend this fall — with a wide variety of folks that continue to offer themselves and their stories.
Amongst my valued time with friends and family (which has increased as of late as well), I’ve recently joined two groups:
1. The Hearth: a small group of folks from various spiritual backgrounds. Although we are reading The Reason for God (by Timothy Keller) together, it’s more of a discussion group rather than a book club. We gather at my house every other week and I’m amazed at the level of honestly and relationship I’ve discovered through this group so far.
2. Core Audience at Intiman Theatre: again, a diverse group of people (this one larger, at 30-40 people) that watches a play then discusses it afterward. Yesterday was the first group discussion of the year as we attended a production about Abe Lincoln that inspired great thoughts about what it means to be a leader and a hero.
The sense of community for me has less to do with joining a group, though, and much more about opening myself up to others. This is something that I believe very few of us do well, if at all.
Throughout the fall the phrase that keeps coming to mind in regards to relationship is “to have others hold up a mirror for us to see ourselves.” As someone who spends a lot of time alone thinking, I’m learning that narcissism pales in comparison to what is offered in a true community. To share your life and passions with others and to have them reflect that back to you is amazing.
Recently I met a friend of mine, Pete, for lunch and he offered to me within our time together that he could see my newly-discovered love for writing and telling my story. And, in reflecting that back to me, he was asking what plans I’d put in place to make that happen. He could see the desire and now he wanted to know what steps I was taking to fan that flame. That’s what I mean about a mirror reflecting. It challenged me to recognize that truth about myself and to begin to consider how I truly risk in pursuance of that desire.
Too often we think of dreams and goals as something that we set our minds to and pursue alone. That’s part of the nature of who we are as humans and it makes for a great story. Instead, I’m realizing that much of our dreams and goals are realized through community. People that encourage us to take a risk, folks that offer encouragement and those that offer us a chance to rest, laugh and enjoy life. Thank you to those friends that have done those things for me — and I can only hope that I’m providing a fraction of the same for you all.
What Happened?
Now, there’s a question I get often. Hardly ever from adults, though. It’s usually the kids that ask that question, often followed by a look of disapproval from a parent or another adult. Kids just have this way of addressing the obvious and wanting to know more — it’s what we call curiosity. It’s also called discussing the elephant in the room!
As we grow older, I think many of us adults lose the curiosity of our youth. Lost to kindness, to political correctness, to internal processing. Or, even worse, lost to a sense of not noticing the other. We rush past one another barely having the time to hear someone’s response to, “How are you?” It’s like we never cared to know in the first place. I’m as guilty as anyone in this area.
Lately, though, this word keeps coming to mind. Curiosity. It’s a recurring theme for me. We hear it in common phrases like “curiosity killed the cat” or “I was just curios.” As a child, the stories of Curious George were very important to me (Curious George Goes to the Hospital was one of my favorites — far too many hospital visits growing up!). Think about it; a monkey (of all things!) goes around getting himself in trouble because of his curiosity and sense of adventure. Where has that curiosity and risk gone in us?
Granted, some of you folks are very curious people and I applaud you for that. We all know the type — you spend an evening with them and you feel like they never said a word about themselves because they were so busy asking about your life and your passions. These people light up my days when I’m around them. Thank you to those who excel at being curious! But, there are too few of these people out there.
Instead, we pass one another on the sidewalk and look the other way. We work side by side for years, but I rarely engage enough to know your story or even your spouse’s name. We can chat about sports and can shoot the breeze for hours, but I find it difficult to ask you about issues of your race and you reciprocate in regards to my disability. We ride the elevator with each other often, but the most you can do is stare or make awkward comments about how I hold my keys on my shoulder (“You need hooks on you,” for example.)
Why is this so hard? Sometimes I wish we all had kids with us everywhere we went. At least that way we’d be forced to address the obvious and engage in the apparent. And, we’d ask questions.
On a recent trip to California I traveled to Brea to visit a former co-worker and his family. After warming up to me, his four year-old son started asking rapid-fire questions, most about my lack of arms. His parents were gracious, but also allowed him to address what was right in front of him (kudos to them!).
Over the course of a few hours he’d pretty much exhausted his list of questions for me. We’d talked about how I did most everything and he seemed satisfied. But, as we got out of the van at the park near the end of our time together, he looked at me earnestly and asked, “So, God made you this way?” I responded with a laugh and said, “I guess so.” With that affirmation, he became bolder. “God made you that way!,” he declared. “Yep — and Him and I still have discussions about that every so often,” I answered with a chuckle.
You’ve got to love the curiosity! How many of you have I not told this part of my story? And, how many of you were too afraid to ask? Admittedly, I’ve never been an open book on this topic. But, it’s the obvious question, right?
Well, here’s the short version of the story. I was born without arms; no dramatic shark attack stories here. I was simply born like this. God made me this way. After having my brother three years earlier and delivering a fairly healthy boy, my mother gave birth to me on March 10, 1977. After announcing that she’d delivered an otherwise healthy baby boy, the doctor added that there was just one problem — that my parent’s newest child didn’t have any arms. After years of doctors’ research and a legal battle over a morning sickness pill my mother took during her pregnancy with me, there are still no clear answers.
Admit it, some of you have always wanted to know!
Back to my earlier point — be curious! Engage with those around you. Ask the checker at the grocery store how their day has been and really listen to the answer. Introduce yourself to strangers, maybe even to the homeless guy on the street corner. Know what brought your co-workers to this point in their career. Ask for a family story to be told (or even re-told). Know her favorite flower so you can brighten her day. All of us can do this.
Heck, be curious about me if you have nothing else to consider. What do you want to know? What questions have you been afraid to ask? Believe me, I’ve been asked most everything at this point in my life. Bring it on! I want to engage, so ask away.
No wonder I loved Curious George! Matter of fact, I still do.
A Refreshing Break
For those that know me well, you know that I like being productive and getting things done. And, when it comes to work, this can certainly be to my detriment. You’d also know that it’s a cray season at work for me right now — working on a proposal to renew my main client (and maybe save my job), planning for FY10 and mentoring a new group of interns. This past week I left the office after 10:15 p.m. two nights in a row and today (Saturday) I spent several hours in the office again. So, obviously, it has been a long week.
One thing I’m noticing is that, as I get older, my body doesn’t handle the long hours as well as it once did. That’s one of the downfalls of both getting older and living in a body that requires a little extra effort just to make it through the day. Now, you may be surprised to hear that from me. But, it’s a new leaf that I’m turning over — admitting that life is a bit more strenuous and tiring for me as a man that does everything unconventionally. Long hours mean limited sleep, extra hours at a computer typing with my feet and a worn neck and knees. And age is a complicating factor, too (as it is for most of us)!
In the midst of this frantic pace, somehow a couple weeks ago I decided that it would be smart to issue an invitation to several folks from my condominium building to come over for an evening of dinner and conversation. Well, it ended up being a brilliant decision! The invitation was issued over Facebook and three couples accepted the offer and came over for a barbeque and to watch the Sounders soccer game tonight. Let me tell you, it was what I needed — a refreshing break from the rat race that my life has been as of late.
Now, that may also be a surprise to those who know me well. I tend to see each appointment, task or project as something on a “to do” list that needs to be checked off. Pathetic, I know. But, sometimes my mind starts racing and that’s how I approach life. It’s especially true when my schedule gets busy. As I left work at 4:15 today I knew I’d be pressing it on time to get to Trader Joe’s and then home in time to clean up ahead of my company arriving at 6 p.m. As I sat in Seattle traffic (lately exacerbated by spring road construction), I realized that I was not going to make it home more than a few minutes ahead of my guests. With a trunk full of groceries and a house that needed to be picked up, I was stressed. The entire way home and at the grocery store I was on edge and irritable. I get that way when I fail to plan ahead and don’t allow myself enough time to get somewhere.
Luckily the first of my neighbors arrived fashionably late at 6:15 p.m., giving me just enough time to clean up the kitchen, pick-up the living room and unpack the few bags of groceries. From that point on it was pure enjoyment (except for the fact that the Sounders lost).
What struck me tonight was how necessary and refreshing it is to spend time in community — no matter how busy life seems. Was this another thing to add to my already packed schedule? Yes, especially since I volunteered to host. And, there was also the potential to see it as just another task. Hang out with neighbors — check!
It simply didn’t feel like that, though. Thankfully not. Instead, I came away refreshed having connected with friends and having met a new couple in my building. It was just the break I needed!
Now, I’m either headed to bed or am going to work for a little while. Back into the hampster wheel I go, recognizing how glorious the break was!
Sighs & Hallelujahs 