Too Busy
“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10
Too busy to write, to study and to relax.
So much to be done — I’m just far too busy.
Too busy to go to church, to exercise or to do the dishes.
A mess: my kitchen and my mind share this in common.
Too busy to eat well and to take care of myself physically.
This pinched nerve in my neck serves as a reminder.
Too busy to plan my trip of a lifetime.
Italy beckons in the near future, but I’m too busy to plan for rest.
Too busy to pray or even to weep for Haiti.
If ever there was a time, it is now.
Too busy to feel; to feel for myself or for others.
A mind distracted has no emotion.
Why so busy, my soul?
What must you prove?
A man without arms juggling is surely entertaining, if not impressive.
Especially when he juggles so many balls at one time.
Making up for the wounded body God placed me in is tiring.
Maybe I was meant to live at a slower pace?
Maybe we all were.
But, that slower life is where the pain and mystery sneaks in.
It’s where emotions come in waves;
where I’m forced to wrestle with God.
In just being, I am forced to look at myself in the mirror.
Naked, not wrapped in my activities or achievements.
Forced to see myself as a person that cannot earn approval.
It’s a place I’d rather avoid.
And, well, I’m just too busy to linger there.
Too busy to sabbath.
Too busy to do what I desperately need.
Far too busy to be still.
Exciting and Terrifying, all at the same time
“Do one thing every day that scares you.” That quote, from Eleanor Roosevelt, is a perfect introduction to this post. I want to tell you about something I’m embarking upon that is both very exciting and terrifying!
For those of you that are Facebook friends, you saw a status update from me this past week that stated —
“Sabbatical form submitted at work, travel dates set (April 14-May 5), consultation with Paul @ Rick Steves. Italy and France, here I come!”
The part that I left out in that status update was this —
“And, he is scared sh*tless about how he is going to pull off this trip that he’s been looking forward to for a couple of years.”
You see, if you came to my office tomorrow, handed me a bag full of belongings and told me that I’d be traveling around the United States for three weeks straight, I’d be sure my dressing device was included and I’d be on my merry way. I like to travel and I would find enjoyment in the adventure that was about to take place. But, that is largely due to the fact that I can find a handicap-accessible bathroom where I can use the aforementioned dressing device at every hotel and public facility in this country.
Traveling to Italy and France is an entirely different story, though. And that’s where the panic enters. I won’t get into the details here, but suffice it to say that a flight anywhere north of five hours long is a challenge for me because I have yet to figure out how to use an airplane restroom on my own. That is just the first step, though, as Italy and France are not exceptionally accommodating for travelers with disabilities I’m told.
My plan up until this point has been to travel with a friend of mine. However, a recent job change and the fact that he is now a client of mine (again) puts this plan at risk. Although we have yet to conclude that this won’t work, it certainly presents new challenges. So, that could put me back at square one.
You might suggest a three-week trip around these great United States, instead. I’ve thought about it and — like so many other things I’ve dealt with in my life — I refuse to settle for the easier path. Ever since traveling to Egypt and Ethiopia with a client of mine in 2005, I’ve had my passion for travel ignited. Mostly, I’ve clamored for a trip to Europe.
As I’ve mentioned here before, though, my passion for travel and the ease in which I accomplish that task do not match. This causes quite a rub!
But, like most obstacles in my life, I refuse to give in and I’ll figure out a way to accomplish this trip of a lifetime. Because, although figuring all this out is a terrifying prospect, the excitement of achieving this dream of a long trip to Italy and France is even stronger. It’s not so much than I’m that independent; I’m just that stubborn!
(Oh, by the way, I am now accepting applications to be my travel buddy to Europe this spring!)
Sighs & Hallelujahs 